Clarity

With everything happening in my life, I've taken a step back.  Not in the sense of maturity or regressing to a nuisance destined to have to fix themselves.  I've taken a step back and watched myself from the moments I can recollect to the seconds that flash across my eyes throughout each day.  I take a moment to ponder the infinitesimal moments that have combined to form that solitary second that I am now living.  I've wondered exactly what brought me here; where will it lead me; and if I don't like it, how do I change it.  I've contemplated the idea that we choose our future based on our present choices, and I grew weary at the thought each and every day.  Having to burden myself with the task of shouldering each and every decision seems daunting.
For some, it seems remarkable.  The ability to control your own destiny from start to finish is the perfect way to live your life.  And I agree.  I make my own decisions and I try to control the finer points of my existence.  But, recently, something changed.  Something raised within me that I certainly haven't been able to explain for weeks now.  It was a moment of clarity.  And that moment hasn't fled. With each passing second, I reaffirm the idea that these moments we live, we can conduct ourselves.  Our daily goals are ours to choose, and that is the most freeing feeling.  How we live day to day is completely ours, and we should do our best to seek out exactly what we are chasing.
But, in the end, our larger, broader goals are determined.  We try to fight the current, but the current only gives us small moments of hope before dragging us under and along its path.
And when I finally touched that current, I was soaked in relief.  I bathed in the clarity of it's water, and I realized I'm no longer imagining what my life is supposed to be like.  I'm releasing myself from the burden of deciding what it is exactly I'm trying to seek (everything sounds good at this point), and letting myself decide where I want to be.
This isn't a religious moment (per se), but a revelation in the idea of being.  A revelation in the existence of one's self and how we try to fight the current daily.  We struggle with our own reality and don't take the time to wonder if we really let ourselves subconsciously decide our fate.  Those goals and destinations are already there, programmed within us to be achieved.  And it's our responsibility to fulfill it.
How do we get there? By living the smaller moments.  By breathing the morning air and releasing the negativity you seem to burden.  By enjoying the gifts presented each day, and enjoying the company of others.  By realizing that control can be relinquished on the much larger picture, and to focus on the task at hand.  If you spend to much time trying to envision what life will be like in Tuesday of 2060, you still will have been living in Tuesday of 2016.  And that's no way to live. The most important part of our existence is enjoying the present. And welcoming the future.