Memory Dump, Scene 1. Take 1. Action.

Having to make some sort of excuse for every time someone asks you why you can't drive is completely aggravating. I've made a huge mistake in my life. Something that haunts my entire conscience, and I have to live with this fucking question every day for at least 90 days. It sleeps with me, pulling my eyes open only to see light escaping through a tube behind glass. It creeps in at work, jumping from behind a cabinet in hopes that I might succumb to its awful whine. It lurks beneath my shoes, punching my toes like speed bags until I sit down and let it float into my brain. It is...everywhere.

I figure that at some point I will have to let this go. I will have to move on. But today was the toughest day of the whole scenario past what I actually went through for the day of, and the weekend of. I can't validate myself behind my words. The only thing that helps me is that I have drive to want to live every day. That I want to look in front, instead of behind. I want to see myself through, rather than let it only be a hopeless dream in someone's speech at a party I will only attend in spirit.

Maybe I have gone a little mad since this whole damn shenanigan began, but it is creeping into my home life. The only place where I can let my mind wander without caring about where it goes. It has followed me like a horrible stench. I try to wash it away, but I'm still carrying the odor. I have enough troubles as it is growing up the way I have, but this instance only creates suspicion I could end up just as the magazines say my generation will. Now, my home is no longer safe. My home doesn't carry that sweet home feel, where I can finally get away from everything. What's been infiltrated is now completely bombarded. I can only hope that this wears away quickly before I distance myself from everything.

I'm scared of my own limbo, but I hope it keeps itself in check. I need to sleep, and my mind will only stay restless until I can find a way to harness it and bring it back to the glory days. I want to be new again. I want to feel like the world has finally been lit on fire by this guy, again.

--My last thought is that I wonder what some people think when someone gives them advice. Many humans learn from other humans. It's the best way to learn. You get the experience of someone who has been there, so you know what and what not to do (maybe I should have followed my own previous sentence). Sometimes, you have to learn things on your own. But other times, when you know that person has complete experience in that field, you agree that that paint may just be as wet as they say. Take the friendly advice you get, and receive it so. Maybe you'll learn something you didn't before that could save you from a horrible decision.--

I am my own worst enemy/ Fighting against my own worst enemy's worst enemies.