Wake Up

Rummaging through my latest thoughts renders my first post in what appears to be in a different millennium. The next posts on this blog will tend to be focused towards whatever the fuck I want to say, be it during the late night binges I coax myself into. Hoping to become comatose is no way to go through life, but those nights I find myself wondering why I did it in the first place.

A dear friend visited for the first time today in so many weeks of no communication. We discussed lifes' newest flavors, and it's potential to succeed or fail. Before I had to cut this talk short due to prior engagements creeping up, he shared a bit of new knowledge I had not yet received. I took it in, grasped it firmly, and understood its implications. I now faced the decision of deciphering what it means to me.

 It rattled around in my brain during my class(or the previous engagement as it were), trying to figure out why this is what it is. It was a new kind of shock. One where you don't expect it, but previous In all my time here on this pile of dirt, never had I wanted to relay a message so bad after thinking so heavily on something. My message slowly developed, and it's something that needs to be shared.

This semester was the toughest of my life. New plans emerged, old goals were tarnished, and I found myself behind a door I could not open for the first time in my life (and the last). I gave up on my studies, lost focus of myself, and tried to rebuild all in this short amount of time called a semester. After the semester ended, I had the worst GPA of my entire scholastic career. Devastated...absolutely. Determined to buckle down and grow up...absolutely. Ready to tell the ones I love...fuck no. This new brand of adversity only made me realize who I was becoming, and I am not that person.

With a new energy and focus on life, I am determined to redo what was once in shambles. My life will be purposeful, or at least on the right track. My determination to be the best is back, and I won't stop until my name is known as the best. I ate these bullets, swallowed them whole, shit out a loaded gun, and started firing back.

With this story, I only want to inspire. I found myself at the lowest of lows. I went to the bottom and found nothing but the bottles I emptied. I was determined to crawl out of that fucking hole myself. Maybe my alcoholism was trying to turn on, but the numbers on my chest thought it was best if he would intervene. I have found that I am no longer the kid I once was. I'm 21, in college, living on my own, and no one to wipe my ass when it needs it. I need to realize that I am an adult and I will do whatever it takes to survive. That means getting the grades I know I am capable of, stop drinking like I'm on Rumspringa, and graduate with honors, or as close as I can get to it. Boys and girls, you all still can get down. Get wild and piss on car tires. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time to face the world head on. Grow up, be an adult, and face adversity head on. Take responsibility for your own actions. Don't assume that there is a safety net.

 "...and if my hands find themselves another body, well, you can't blame them for trying to keep warm..."